The Tower Arab Tea

280 metres off the coast of Dubai's Jumeira Beach, 321 metres of hotel rises from the water on a manmade island that itself took three years to create. Another three years later, in 1999, and the "Hotel of the Millennium", the Burj Al Arab opened. Literally translated, The Tower Arab self-claims itself to surpass the internationally recognised 5-star hotel grading system, and provides itself the title of the Worlds Only 7-star Hotel. That is certainly a lot of stars and self praise! Only being allowed across the causeway onto the hotel's island if you hold a room booking or restaurant reservation, it has taken the very generous Christmas gift from our flatmate Toby of "The Ultimate Afternoon Tea" at the Burj, for us to finally get a glimpse of what happens inside that beautiful façade.

It requires a little bit of additional zjushing on the grooming front before entering the golden doors, so after getting the shirt and tie on unusually early in the day, we headed coastal in eagerness to see what all the fuss was about.

As Fergus was whisked away by the Valet Parking attendant, we were greeted by the doorman and ushered into the atrium of the hotel. We were inside! Aesthetically, from the outside, the Burj Al Arab is stunning. From the inside, a bullet should be given to the interior designer. How on Earth could such a landmark be ruined by the ghastly choices of internal decor? How can a hotel built just nine years ago be so out-dated? How did anybody approve a colour palate of vomitous proportions? Who even initiated the idea that gharishness wins over simplicity? We had heard that it would shock us, but I don't think either of us were quite ready for the hideous spectrum of colour that awaits!

With first impressions aside, we had seven courses of seven star afternoon tea to devour, and not a moment to waste in sampling the treats heading our way.

What we began to think was a severe case of portion-control, we are pleased that the first few courses were on the less generous side. By the time the final rounds of scones, pastries, creme brulee's and fudges came, we were about ready to explode. Specialty Teas, Burj-shaped Beef Wellington, Champagne, Clotted Cream and about 17 different types of sugar sachets, this is certainly a high tea to rival those of the most traditional establishments around the world. The only thing to let it down, despite the horrendous decor, was the Tunisian musical quartet that sounded remarkably like a strangled cat in the background. I know they are trying to place a cultural spin on a very British tradition... However, a Date-themed menu item may have been another way of providing an Arabian influence rather than with the sick moggy and a bongo drum.

All in all, we were very grateful for Toby's amazing gift. We can now say that we have been beyond the shores and onto the exclusive Burj Island, and can quite honestly say that I will never decorate my own house in the seven-star ways of this exclusive hotel!