The Flying Kiwi: May 2008

Eight days of Guten Tag's, Ahoj's and Hello's, and our whirlwind tour of Central and Eastern Europe has passed us by. Never quite knowing which language to speak when, we established that Germanically speaking, we were pretty flamin' awesome at our efforts of communicado. That was until we arrived in Prague... more on that in a moment!

D U B A I to V I E N N A

20 May we set off on the adventure. Whanau Edhouse in tow, we checked in hassle-free at the Self-Service Staff Travel kiosks, and were spooked at just how simple it could be. Staff Travel isn't supposed to be so easy. It is meant to be full of nail-biting angst as the usually-miserable check-in agent leaves you suffering in wonder as to whether you will enjoy your holiday in a foreign place or whether you will be sent packing. Home. Before anyone could call us back to any counters, we ran, boarding passes in hand, and sampled Dubai International's Award Winning range of culinary options for breakfast: The McDonalds Menu.

Landing into Vienna, ready for our lovely early summer holiday, we were greeted by a dismally grey Austrian winters day. In fact, so grey, it made Charlie Chaplin look colourful! 9°C wasn't going to dampen our spirits, even if the rain forthwith did. Armed with our newly purchased €13 Umbrellas (hello barrel, hello had me wrapped over it), we gathered our collective sightseeing forces and took to the streets of this gorgeous city. After plodding through the many parks, to the Danube River and amongst the beautifully cobbled streets and buildings we thought it would be nice to take a tour to the Vienna Woods and see rural Austria. About four generations younger than anyone else on the tour-bus, we meandered through the leafy outskirts, through a beautiful monestary, into an Underground Lake where, evidently, Hitler used to make planes... Don't ask me how, I lost that bit in translation!

Vienna still ranks as one of my most favoured European cities this side of the Bombay Hills, and this was catapulted back into my sensory sphere by dinner at a boutique brewery, offering its many pints of Weißbeir, Pilsener, and even Chilli-infused beer. We decided that a pint wasn't enough, and so each ordered a LITRE each. The beermug arrived, and upon realising that it was in fact larger than my face, decided that two hands was going to be the most effective means of consumption. Viennese Goulash and Apple Strudel downed, and trying to finish my bucket of beer before it got too warm, we pondered upon which Schnapps to finish off the evening with. As the ancient saying goes, "When in Austria, do as the Austrians do..."

V I E N N A to P R A G U E

Time to collect the rental car, our suitably family oriented Opel Astra Station Wagon, and equally suitably named Wolfgang (he was Austrian afterall), and began our journey northbound out of familiar territory, to cross the border in to new found land, for all of us. To get to the Czech Republic, we had to pass through Slovakia, which seeing as my brother's adorable girlfriend Zuzana is from just out of Bratislava, we paid tribute to her by stopping off for lunch in her capital city. A beautiful central city with markets and lovely old buildings provided a happy stop-off point for the Flying Kiwi's (or was that Driving Kiwi's?). After a few quick photos and a battle with the language (just when I was getting good at German) we realised that this was an uncharted world for us! Armed with my printed-out GoogleMaps, I was nicknamed the Human TomTom and barked out directions like the GPS navigation device I was supposed to have been! Accurate as well... To the metre and to the minute! 15.97km meant 15.97km. 7 minutes meant 7 minutes. Thank you GoogleMaps, you really saved our bacon. Until Prague that is...

TomTom began to struggle somewhat when it came to the approach into the Czech Capital, when every 0.67km or so was another command to turn left into yet another street that sounded remarkably similar to the last one. At least, in my mind it sounded similar, when in actual fact, the entirely new range of letters of the alphabet began to slow down my processing speed to a virtual stand still. OK with the foreign languages until now, I began to struggle with trying to decipher what the triangles, circles and lines above every second letter meant. This is not so good as you are trying to navigate a foreign city, and every half a metre you are meant to make another turn! After driving (incorrectly) out of a tunnel and into an underground (paid) shopping mall carpark, we then realised we were having no hope in hell, and needed proper guidance to find our apartment.

Prague was simply unreal. Perhaps even flumaxxing! The gothic capital of the world, the town that put the ohemian in Bohemian, this place must be visited to be believed. Everyone has seen an episode of Getaway where some over-travelled TV presenter 'falls in love with this European Paradise'... Well, pass me a camera, let me be that TV presenter so I too can announce that I have fallen in love with this European Paradise. The Charles Bridge linking the two sides of the city, built in the 1400's gives the most STUNNING views of the city, with street performers, vendors and tourists alike all adding to the atmosphere of this relatively new-found haven. Each building is decorated with a different Gargoyle, Skull or other equally gothic creature on its façade, oozing with history, charm and an unusual elegance which can't be described in totality.

P R A G U E to Č E S K Ý K R U M L O V

Southbound we go, Wolfgang does us proud as we finally break our run of cloudy morbid days, and sunshine beams upon us we make our way to the small medieval Czech Village of Český Krumlov. The Heritage Listed township was recommended to us by our friends Adam and Jan who had been there a few months prior (Jan is Czech himself, so we knew we could trust his guidance) and can not believe that such a place existed. Never before heard of to any of us, Český Krumlov is like a living fairy tale.

We had a beautifully restored furnished apartment for the night, in the central area of the village, and were so relieved to be able to remove the scarves and jackets and find comfort and freedom in shorts and t-shirts for the first time since we left Dubai. We enjoyed the beergardens along the river, the most amazing food, time to relax and a real chillout from a pretty hectic holiday thus far.

We treated ourselves to a night of cocktails at this lovely village bar. It was our last night in the Czech Republic, and so we had to use the last of our Czech Crowns somehow! No sooner had we sat down, when two 'ladies of the night' pounced on Adrian and I, trying to encourage us that perhaps a night with them could be on the cards. After getting nowhere with their advances on us, they moved onto the next victims who were equally as unresponsive. Clearly, a slow night in Český Krumlov.

Č E S K Ý K R U M L O V to M U N I C H

The journey to Germany was our first chance to drive the Autobahns on this trip, and as well as finding time to build planes underground, we have to thank Hitler for designing such a wonderful network of roads. These are the roads without speed limits, the roads that link the major cities of Deutschland. We think that Wolfgang quite liked driving on the Autobahn, as he didnt even let out a whimper as he raced along at a happy 180km/h on the drive into München.

Enjoying (more) beer in the English Gardens in the centre of Munich, with every Munichian under the sun (which incidently was still, thankfully, shining) we ordered plate loads of every imagineable form of Pork meal possible. Pork Roasts, Pork Schnitzel, Pork Knuckle, Pork, Pork, Pork... It is clear that along with a good slop of Sauerkraut, you had yourself a hearty Germanic meal.

We spent two nights in Munich, staying at our lovely crew hotel, which set us in a good position to explore the festivities of the city. People dancing in Band Rotunda's, people playing baseball in parks, gypsies banging on bongo drums to make a few Euro's and Beer sold in gallons to the masses at any time of the day or night.

To get back to Dubai, we had to drive Wolfgang back to Vienna, through some of the most beautiful mountainous scenary you could imagine. Stopping off breifly for a coffee in Salzburg, we sang a few tunes from the Sound of Music like the Von Trapp family we were, and got ourselves back to reality the moment we stepped back on that plane to begin our journey home.

Just when I thought I had found my favourite places around the world, I come across something else, and have to confess, that although a little sceptical at first, the Czech Republic is the most suprisingly stunning place I have been to in a VERY long time! AHOJ!

Nouveau Riche: The term used for the purposes of social class distinction, to describe persons with newfound wealth and who are viewed as lacking the experience, finesse, or taste to use wealth in the same manner as old money.

You could describe the populus of travelling Russians as Nouveau Riche. A little bit lacking in ettiquette, and a little lacking in class... You only need to endure the 4hr40m flight as crew to realise that there is not really anything pleasant about the flight at all. These are the people who reek of a cheap vodka distillery at 9am as they board the plane. The same people that have taken the gaudy high-end fashion lines from Dolce & Gabbana, and no matter how bad they look (in their multi-coloured mesh/dome/zip/velvet covered clothing) believe that as long as there is a prominent designers logo on display, people will know you have money. My perception may seem a little harsh, but when you have First Class passengers changing their babies nappies on the seats in the cabin, the same seat that someone else will then pay THOUSANDS to sit on straight after you, you will understand that among other things, these people have a lot to learn before considering themselves truly wealthy.

Mockba, Moskva, Moscow: The Capital City of the Russian Federation. Powered by Nuclear Generators, which I do admit were slightly perturbing (as they chugged no doubt radioactive steam into the air), Moscow was a destination that I had wanted to visit for the 2 years I have been at Emirates. With my transition to the A380 nearing week-by-week, I realised I would have to get myself onto a flight toot suite!... Instead of going to London Heathrow, as was rostered, I swapped onto the DME flight at the last minute. We landed at Moscow's Domodedovo International Airport, and then faced a 2 hour bus journey to our hotel in Sokolniki, a relatively central part of the city. Blessed with a fully charged iPod, I managed to fall asleep and most likely dribbled my way to the hotel, and be rest assured that by the time we had arrived, the bed-breath had NOT set in!

We gave ourselves 25mins after arriving at the hotel, to get ourselves cleaned up after the flight, to meet and head into the central city. Armed with a map, in English, we crossed the street to the Metro to discover that everything was in RUSSIAN. Not surprising, but not easily navigated when they have a totally different alphabet to the one we use, and the one the map used... After counting 6 stops, we decided that it was time to disembark, and luckily found ourselves at Red Square. As planned!

We had made it just before sunset, which was my mission, as when we arrived at St Basil's Cathedral, the Gingerbread Church, it made it look even more magical. St Basil's is at the end of Red Square, which is also home to the Kremlin, and Lenin's Mausoleum. Named Red Square, not because there is lots of red (which there was), and not because of the link to communism (which there once was), but because in Russian, the word for red, is also the word for beautiful. Impressed? Good!

Vodka, Babushka Dolls and endless Port-a-Loo's, we had seen enough of the Red Square, so decided it was time for a feed. Found ourselves a nice little pub outside the Kremlin, near to the train station, and devoured a tasty, albeit expensive, meal and beer before the 6-stopped journey back to the hotel.

I don't know if I should be comforted by the hotels preparedness, or slightly scared, but, any hotel rooms provision of a his and hers gas mask with jazzy chemical filter and glow stick for times of crisis gives a totally new meaning to "Anytime, Anywhere...".