Trouble in the Hewlett Packard Camp

Hello peoples, I know you are all lingering in anticpation to check up on my latest and greatest, so it is with much sadness and regret to inform you that Larry (my laptop) has had to go into hospital.

It appears there is a trigger inside all new laptops which sets off a reaction causing your laptop to crash, just as soon as the Manufacturer's Warranty expires. So yes, elated I am not, I am currently without said portal-to-the-world, and suffering immensely! Apparently my motherboard is up shit-creak... which translates to over a thousand dirhams worth of repairs! UH-OH! Alas, I just remembered I purchased the normally-always-refused extended warranty, which apparently is only valid in New Zealand. SO, Harvey Norman will be visited on my 24hr in Christchurch next week, and I should be back on track within the month!

So bare with me, I promise there is PLENTY more left in this Flying Kiwi!

You Can't Stop The Beat

Well, hey there Teenage Baltimore... Dont change that channel, cos its time for the Corny Collins Show! Brought to you by Ultra Clutch Hairspray!

Captivated, charmed, and utterly elated by my New York experience, I can not begin to explain how I was delighted by 24 hours in the Big Apple. Alas, I will try!

02:00am is not the most thrilling of departure times, especially knowing that your flight ahead is totalling 14hr02m. I had been nigh-on pooing myself in readiness for my first real flight in First Class, as I feebly sat in the Briefing Centre where we meet the rest of our crew before a flight and have the obligatory interrogation of our knowledge of Safety and First Aid procedures. I knew the Purser, David, from previous social encounters, and my friend Toby was working on the flight, so I knew that as I mentioned it was "my first operational in First", that I would be looked after and mothered all the way. But excuse me, I was great and needed no sign of mothering at all! I have decided that I do very much like being on the other side of the curtain, and my 8 passengers on my way there, and 12 coming back were just sensational (though, it does help having 3 Cabin Crew working in First Class to serve their every need). As we say in Indonesian Class, Rassa Sayang! Talk about a lust for life!

Knowing what the day ahead in New York held for me and Toby, I wrestled with the crew and managed to wangle the second break on the flight, meaning, I forced myself to spend the first 7hrs of the flight awake, serving my 8 passengers (who, mind you, slept for that ENTIRE time). Once the first set of crew came back from the bunks, it was my turn to take a load off and sleep for 4.5hrs! Busy, Busy, So Busy!

I had been forewarned that New York was going to be cold. In fact, the prospect of -16deg Celsius kind of scared me. Thankfully, NYC's weather forecasters had been to the same school of predictions as those at Television New Zealand, and we basked in glorious record-high temperatures of 19deg. Despite a light sweat, being the direct result of layer-upon-layer of winter clothing which was not easily removed, we set off on our journey into Manhattan.

Tickets had been purchased online the week prior, so you can imagine our joy as the time got closer; WE WERE GOING TO HAIRSPRAY. ON BROADWAY! And I was telling EVERYONE. My Indo Mates, My Florist, My OzKnits Representative... Well, anyone who would listen! Due to Toby and I booking seperate tickets on the internet, we were sitting one row behind each other, which was fine. However, always on the prowl for a helpful American (and believe me, they're few and far between), upon collecting the tickets from the Box Office, I merely mentioned that perhaps she could see if there were two seats side by side. In typical attitudinal form, she tapped away on the computer, and ripped up our tickets. Uh oh. We were going to end up in Row ZZ, behind La-Quisha and Montan-nay, and the show would be ruined! I almost leapt through the glass window and hugged the lovely lady when were moved from 15 rows from the stage to FIVE rows from the front!

If you have seen Hairspray, the Major Motion Picture, and you loved it, then you will be creaming your jeans with joy over the Live Theatrical version thereof. I could not have loved it any more if I tried. From the opening drum beat of Good Morning Baltimore, to the closing Shimmy-and-a-Shake of You Can't Stop the Beat, Toby and I were tapping our feet away throughout the entire visual slash audial extravaganza! Tapping was an understatement to be honest, had it not been for my masses of Abercrombie and Fitch shopping bags that were spilling into the aisles, I would have been up dancing in those said aisles! Can you say it with me? Standing O-V-A-T-I-O-N!!

The next time you are in New York, or London, or VideoEzy, you HAVE to see Hairspray. Its true, you just can't stop the beat!

Silver Service, What?

Oh, the Glamour! FG1... First Class Grade One... Up the Pointy End... Hobnobbing with the world's Hoi Poloi!

The time has finally come to say goodbye to the aircraft's toughest cabin, Business Class, and venture to that unchartered world, past the curtain, and into a little bit of luxury. Emirates First Class. Despite, still, hurtling through the air at 41,000ft, in a horrifically pressurised composite metal tube, crossing more time zones than anyone dares to actually think about, after which, smelling like you've just sprayed yourself with the truly fragrant Eau de Boeing, there is something just a teeny bit special about the thought of doing it in style. Knowing that the passengers have paid oodles of Dirhams for my hospitality, I am going to do my best to ensure their money, which could have easily sponsored fifty-seven starving children in Rwanda, has been well spent.

Alas, it hasnt been a walk through Central Park to get to this position (well, it has, once or twice over the years, being that New York is a destination that I frequent...) However, I have just endured a week of excrutiatingly intense training to ensure that I call my Ambassadors: Your Excellency, and my Angelinas-slash-TomKat's: Ms Jolie and Mr & Mrs Scientology. I can now confidently ensure I place my butter dish before my salt and peppers, my Caviar before my Canapes, my Dong Parisnong before my $18-a-bottle Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc... Yes, I am equally as astounded, yet, ever-so-slightly proud, that a New Zealand Wine which can be purchased from your local Foodtown for less than $20 has been selected to be served as a First Class Wine on board the Global Express that is The EmiRAT!

As a further surprise, I was elated, nay shocked, to be asked back onto stage at the conclusion of the graduation ceremony to be presented with my very own 1:200 scale model of the soon-to-join-the-fleet Airbus A380 aircraft, in recognition of my performance and comittment to our customers during a disruption in Hamburg earlier in the year. It is all about "Making Someones Day" at EK, and they certainly did; Make My Day!

In other career-developing news; I am also quite excited to announce that I have been chosen to become a Service Delivery Facilitator with the company, to upskill all of the existing Cabin Crew (over 8500) in Service Personality training. For those of you who know me from Pacific Blue, I am about to re-fly the MattyWOW flag, in a project that is very similar to the one I used to teach back in New Zealand. I have to complete 5 days of training myself first, but once that is over, I will begin teaching this program for approximately 4 or 5 days a month, over the next 12 months... Something to keep me out of trouble!

Watch this space! The rollercoaster of change is about to begin!

Riverdancing to a Happy New Year

Athbhliain faoi Mhaise Duit to you all. Now, I don't have an Irish Root in my body... But decided to team with the Gaelic theme to wish you all a very Happy New Year!

Welcome to Two Thousand and Great: 2008! And I just have a feeling in my waters that this year will be one of the best yet. I am sure that you will agree when I say that this year has zipped past like a lycra-clad Cathy Freeman running to a get tickets to a Wiggles Concert. I just don't know where the time has gone. I remember last years celebration like it was yesterday, and am scared to think that the years are slipping by so fast; before I know it, I'll be 103, lining up (with my zimmerframe) for lunch at the Sunny Meadows Lifestyle Village Christmas Buffet. But like a good wine, doesn't life just keep getting better with age!?

The New Year was welcomed at the penultimate establishment of Dubai, The Irish Village... Which many of you will know, serves a mean mashed potato! I do have to admit, that I was a little dubious about the chosen location for celebrations, however knowing that the entrance ticket was only Dhs250 (NZ$70) and was therefore a quarter of the Dhs1000 ($300) that similar venues were trying to rip out of our wallets, I knew that whatever happened, we would make sure we Riverdanced our way through until the dawn of the new year. I have to say, Michael Flatley of Irelands Lord of the Dance would have been a LITTLE bit jealous at my coordination and rubber-limbed dancing style. In fact, I am having a silky shirt and tight black high-waisted pants sewn up as we speak, just in case I am called upon to be the understudy for any new World Tour that they may embark upon.

A dancefloor had been built across the pond at the Village, which was just terrific, as we danced the night away, it buckled, creaked, and provided an excellent suspension to protect our said loose-limbed movements. The music was provided by a FANTASTIC live covers band, which got the crowd frothing with anticipation of what 2008 would bring.

So to you all, may this New Year bring to you happiness, laughter, and good fortune. Good Food, Good Wine and ever-expanding waistlines! (By saying this, I am able to pardon my own...)

May all your smiles be returned!